While walking on the path of life we often come across people who make us question ourselves and our abilities. Their comments make us feel incompetent and worthless. We start having cold feet when it comes to taking up and completing tasks. Our actions become centred on how other people look at it. Our choices about almost anything, from clothes, occupation to the language we speak are an amalgamation of the opinions and thoughts of others.
How do you fix it?
1) PEOPLE DO NOT CARE – The world is moving forward at a break neck speed. No one has the time to sit and ponder about someone else’s life. They might not even notice the length of your skirt or the phone that you are carrying. Everyone is too busy sorting their own problems out. So do not spend much time wrecking your brains to appease the mass. Also people have a varied set of opinions. Satisfy one, the other might get annoyed.
2) STOP PLEASING OTHER PEOPLE – The constant thought of what people might be thinking about us, makes us behave in the way people want us to. We try to appease everyone and this makes us vulnerable to exploitation. Thus we become frustrated, not being able to express ourselves freely.
3) CHUCK OUT NEGETIVE PEOPLE FROM YOUR LIFE – People brimming with negativity tend to belittle us at the drop of a hat. This is common among people basking in the unhealthy glow of superiority complex. Their insecurities are vented out as criticism and disapproval of your work. Take some time and make a list of all such people and sever ties with them. It is better to have one encouraging friend than have a hoard of discouraging people bickering about your decisions.
4. IDENTIFY THE ‘OTHERS’ – We often feel that the elders in the society are the opinionated ones. But on looking back we would find that it is our peers who have influenced our choices. Be it the colour of our school bags or the brand of toys, we have been controlled and driven by the wants of other people. So it is just not close family, our friends too are the ones who influence us. So be careful while picking your company.
5. PEOPLE FORGET AS FAST AS THEY COMMENT – People usually comment and put forward their opinion at the drop of a hat. These opinions can sometimes affect us deeply. The fear of always being judged tend to play inside our minds at all times. But in reality people forget their so called comments after a while. They take to new things for gossip while the previous incident gets buried in their minds. If you have been in an embarrassing situation, let it go. People will forget after a few days and everything will go back to normalcy. Do not hold on to such experiences and restrict yourself.
6. LAUGH ABOUT IT – Every sticky situation that you get into shall become a reason to laugh at after few years. It is funny how we always joke about all the trouble that we got into in school. But when we were there, a few years back, it seemed like the end of the world to us, didn’t it? So remind yourself how funny this situation shall appear after some time and glide gracefully through it with your big bright smile on.
7. STAY MOTIVATED! – There will always be a few people (friends/family/ relatives) who will try to discourage you, de-motivate you and try to bring you down. But don’t let those words of discouragement get into your head. You are your biggest support, your biggest hero- keep motivating yourself from to time about your abilities and the stuff that you are capable of. A well-motivated and confident person automatically becomes more adept at handling criticism and words of discouragement.
8. KEEP YOURSELF HAPPY – Keeping yourself happy and positive is the key to not leave any room for negative comments to take the better of you. Negative comments have an effect on those people mainly, who suffer from an insecurity complex, depression and those who come from a background which involves a disturbed childhood or a dysfunctional family. People who are happy and glowing from the inside tend to attract positive people. Engage in activities that give you happiness-whatever gives you that bit of ‘kick’. You could also try joining a laughing club.
9. DON’T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF– When it comes to building ourselves up we tend to be extremely hard on ourselves. We tend to suffer from guilt feelings, we hate ourselves for the things we have done in the past and keep telling ourselves that we are at fault. Although it is necessary to understand your mistakes, it is futile to keep obsessing about it. What has happened in the past should remain in the past. Learn from it and try not to make it happen in the future. Do not bring harm to other people consciously, if you did end up doing something wrong, apologize. If it makes the situation better then great and if not then move on. Remember, to err is human.
10. WHY SHOULD YOU NEED OTHERS WHEN YOU CAN LOVE YOURSELF? – You deserve to be loved, not by anyone else but by you (first and foremost)! Try to take better care of yourself. Workout regularly; treat yourself to a nice meal every now and then. Also, if you do not have anyone to shower you with gifts then gift yourself something from time to time – go buy for yourself that new phone, or that nice dress you saw in the shop window the other day or that spa session you had been meaning to take for a really long time now. But ensure not to turn into a narcissist as that hinges on self-obsession which may become unhealthy in the long run. Love and treat thyself as you would want others to love and treat you.